New U. S. Military Tactic To Quell Unrest In Iraq; Will Drop IQ Test On Insurgents
The U. S.- continuing to be troubled by the insurgency in Iraq- has decided to quell it by giving the insurgents an IQ test. The plan is to drop it
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New U. S. Military Tactic To Quell Unrest In Iraq; Will Drop IQ Test On Insurgents
The U. S.- continuing to be troubled by the insurgency in Iraq- has decided to quell it by giving the insurgents an IQ test. The plan is to drop it from the sky as a leaflet. Meeting NewsLaugh/' s request with its usual candor- the military has given us an advance copy of the test- along wi Contd...
The U. S.- continuing to be troubled by the insurgency in Iraq- has decided to quell it by giving the insurgents an IQ test. The plan is to drop it from the sky as a leaflet. Meeting NewsLaugh/' s request with its usual candor- the military has given us an advance copy of the test- along with permission to publish four questions before the date of the drop.
Europeans Uncertain About Smoking Ban; Many Opt For Cancer
While Europeans generally support banning smoking in restaurants- many remain opposed to banning it in bars.
When interviewed- a British opponent of the ban said- “When I go to a pub- I like to smoke. I also like to inhale secondhand smoke. Then there’s the added benefit that the next da...
Taliban Asserts Control Of North Waziristan; Tourism Dips
The Taliban has reportedly asserted control of North Waziristan- the famously wild mountainous region of Pakistan that borders Afghanistan. As a result- tourism in the area has taken a decided dip.
As one American tourist commented- “I really like to visit places where television and music a...
IQ Test For Insurgents This is a multiple choice exam. For ease of apprehension- it has been limited to two multiples per question. Please- select only one answer per question. Two out of two will be counted as outright stupid. 1. What is the best way to get coalition troops out of Iraq? 1. Continue the insurgency 2. Stop the insurgency 2. What is the best way to stop the killing of Iraqi civilians? 1. Continue to blow them up and shoot them 2. Stop blowing them up and shooting them
Human Population Surpasses 6.5 Billion; Other Species Protest
The dramatic increase in human population during the past century has resulted in humans encroaching more and more on the habitat of other animals. Until now- the other animals have continued to inhabit their various habitats wiithout taking offense.
Now it appears they’ve had enough. To e...
John Updike Pens Novel, Called terrorist Critics Laud Originality
Adding another semiprecious stone to his distinguished crown as a royal purveyor of uneasy fictions- John Updike is touting the publication of his new novel- titled “Terrorist.”
Since you may be uncertain about the subject of the book- it’s about a young terrorist in- of all places- Ameri...
3. What is the correct way to characterize America? 1. The principal country that liberated Iraqi from one of the most murderous dictators in modern times? 2. The principal country that invaded Iraq to stop an unforeseen insurgency and lose approximately 2- 500 of his most valued citizens in the effort 4. What is the right opinion to have of someone who continues to advocate the insurgency? 1. He is a wise and praiseworthy leader 2. He is an counterproductive fanatic who is misleading you
New Reality Show Debuts, Called New Orleans, Sink Or Swim
As if Katrina wasn’t a bad enough blow for New Orleans- geologists now inform us that- due to more exact measurements via satellite- they have been able to determine that the down but not out metropolis is sinking faster than previously thought – instead of about a fifth of an inch a year- ab...
Toyota Issues Recall. GM Execs Celebrate
Toyota Motor Company announced that it is recalling over 400- 000 vehicles to remedy a problem with the steering mechanism. While the defect is unlikely to cause the driver to lose control of the car- the company decided to take the unaccustomed step- primarily as a precaution in regard to th...
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The U. S. military is counting on the IQ test to help the insurgents realize that their murderous struggle is currently the world’s most blatantly stupid example of self-defeating behavior and that that only the most persistently moronic insurgents would urge Iraqis to continue it. Of course- the result remains uncertain. Or does it?
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