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Europeans Uncertain About Smoking Ban; Many Opt For Cancer

While Europeans generally support banning smoking in restaurants- many remain opposed to banning it in bars. When interviewed- a British opponent of the ban said- “When I go to a pub- I like to smoke. I also like to inhale secondhand smoke. Then there’s the added benefit that the next da Contd...

While Europeans generally support banning smoking in restaurants- many remain opposed to banning it in bars. When interviewed- a British opponent of the ban said- “When I go to a pub- I like to smoke. I also like to inhale secondhand smoke. Then there’s the added benefit that the next day my clothes smell like an ashtray. So naturally I’m very much against banning it.”

New Reality Show Debuts, Called New Orleans, Sink Or Swim
As if Katrina wasn’t a bad enough blow for New Orleans- geologists now inform us that- due to more exact measurements via satellite- they have been able to determine that the down but not out metropolis is sinking faster than previously thought – instead of about a fifth of an inch a year- ab...
New U. S. Military Tactic To Quell Unrest In Iraq; Will Drop IQ Test On Insurgents
The U. S.- continuing to be troubled by the insurgency in Iraq- has decided to quell it by giving the insurgents an IQ test. The plan is to drop it from the sky as a leaflet. Meeting NewsLaugh/' s request with its usual candor- the military has given us an advance copy of the test- along wi...

“Let’s face it- ” a Spanish opponent commented- “Dragging on a cigarette- inhaling the smoke- and then blowing it out is so exciting that I’d rather die in a bullring than quit.”

New Minicomputer Fits Under Graduation Ring
As computers grow ever more compact- a new breakthrough in miniaturization is hitting the shelves of computer stores that should have great appeal to graduates and their elated parents. It’s a computer that’s so small it snaps under the stone of a typical graduation ring. So when purchasers...
America: Still So Young No Americans Allowed
If sometimes- weighed down with the complexities of uneasy empire- we perchance wonder if America could be freedom’s fading star- it’s somewhat reassuring to realize that the nation is so young it still does not recognize the existence of Americans. Even the Indians don’t completely get the n...

A French advocate of the ban in bars stated- “I like the catchy names of French cigarettes- like Gaulloises. Just feel how that polysyllable rolls on your tongue. But I’m just not a big fan of lung cancer.” A German sighed- “I just wish somebody in Europe would open a bar for nonsmokers. At least- they’d know their customers will live long enough to become regulars.”

Bush Seeks To Heal Rift With Hollywood; Schedules Lunch With Jane Fonda
President Bush- troubled by the decline in his approval ratings- has decided to make a frontal assault on Hollywood- a bastion of his disapproval ratings- by scheduling lunch with one of its most persistently adversarial spokespeople- Jane Fonda. Mr. Bush said- “I look forward to meeting...
Human Population Surpasses 6.5 Billion; Other Species Protest
The dramatic increase in human population during the past century has resulted in humans encroaching more and more on the habitat of other animals. Until now- the other animals have continued to inhabit their various habitats wiithout taking offense. Now it appears they’ve had enough. To e...

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We asked a bartender in London what his opinion is. “I have to breathe cigarette smoke all day. So I like the ban. It’s not that I’m afraid of getting cancer. It’s that after about an hour at work- I start to cough and that makes pouring drinks a little chancy.”

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Tom Attea- humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com- has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good- genuine laughs."

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